Feb 172013
 

I’m trying to decide the title for my next book. Please give me your feedback on the 10 following possibilities. (Note that the words “Bitch” and “Slut” are absent from all options, as is “Whore,” because I’m a grown-up, matures-ass goddam author now, fuckers.)

1. Crack Moms for Christ and Other Bad Advice from My Imaginary Friends

2. The Year of Things Happening

3. Sex with George Clooney

4. Free Booze at the Bone Garden

5. Inappropriate Conversation

6. Lovely Junk

7. How to Survive a Flaming Forklift and Other Tips for the End of the World

8. The Human Hair Trap

9. A History of Wrecks

10. Another Dead Stepfather

 

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Oct 072017
 

I saw a job opening on Indeed.com for an administrative assistant for a mountain guide company in Skagway, Alaska. Here is my cover letter:

Hello.

Oh my GOD, I love Skagway, I love Alaska and this job sounds like the epicenter of all things awesome in the universe. I have a lot of administrative experience, I’m a genius at organization (my bathroom cabinet alone should be featured in magazines), I’m energetic (just today I successfully dove clear of a bus barreling through a cross walk) and a people person (which in resume speak means I’m patient with idiots). I’m also a foreign-language interpreter — I can say, “Holy Hell THAT’S A MOOSE!” in German, Spanish and English — I’m an accomplished speaker, writer, multi-platform marketing specialist, blar blar blar, all the stuff that Continue reading »

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